I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
