I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
