i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize