i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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