This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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