am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
