I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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