He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
