Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
