I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Found the puke drawer
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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