So drunk its hurt
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
