The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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