She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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