As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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