Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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