how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize