he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
