i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
