I can't breathe out the right side of my face
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
