I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
where are you?
Hypothermia
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
