Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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