Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
