i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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