I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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