Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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