I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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