soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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