Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
