worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
