This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
