He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
