It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
