she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
