i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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