I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
