Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
