Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
