yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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