I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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