I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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