I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
