true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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