fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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