I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
