3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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