I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
