I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
