Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
