sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
