she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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