His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
