If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
