and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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