garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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