a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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