When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
