While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
