dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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