I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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