dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
