She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
