batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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