I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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