i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This is my gift to your gina
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
