I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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