My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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